She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
