Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
