Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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