hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
