We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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