i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Randomize
