I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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