From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
