fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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