my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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