Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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