I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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