a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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