She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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