well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
