So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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