nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
