I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
