i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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