So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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