my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
