I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
