get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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