well I can't set my house on fire every night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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