what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
