So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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