She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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