4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
