dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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