You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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