Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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