He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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