Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
