i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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