Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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