he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
