I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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