Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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