Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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