woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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