We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
