so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
