2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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