Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
