I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
