she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
