everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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