I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize