last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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