One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
