Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
