dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
