The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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