I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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