There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
