he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
