you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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