There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
