I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it's like iHOP with fire
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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