His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
