I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The uberlube is also flammable
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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