im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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