The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
