i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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