just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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