My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
