im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
