Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
