You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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