Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
