My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize