This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was like getting head from an anaconda
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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