Umm I'm too high to move.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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