I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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