I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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