I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
