I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
