Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
